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insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
I only care about Disney kids and Glee and sometimes stuff that happens on the CW. Occasionally, I'll post about music and rarely I'll post fic, all of which is unlocked. Once in a while I'll post about my real, actual life, which is not. Unlocked, that is. Anyway.
hearing: Chairlift - Bruises | Powered by Last.fm
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
08 February 2019 @ 01:24 pm
"you get a little moody sometimes but I think that’s because you like to read. people that like to read are always a little fucked up."

completed ficCollapse )
feeling: amusedamused
hearing: The Rocket Summer - TV Family | Powered by Last.fm
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
09 June 2012 @ 12:24 am
(+) So, for those of you in the LA area, you probably know that LA Pride is this weekend? Basically, downtown West Hollywood looks like a rainbow threw up on it. I work in LA most Fridays and have to go across town to go between my Burbank and Beverly Hills offices and I spent the better part of my WeHo commute behind a bicycling middle-aged drag queen who had the foresight to bike in full hair and make-up, but did not manage to find a leopard micro mini skirt that actually covered his hot pink thong.

BUT SPEAKING OF GAY THINGS, have a list of fic that I wish existed:

  • Girls: Jessa/Marnie, I cannot be the only one who wants sloppy elevator!sex fic after Sunday's episode, I cannot.

  • PLL: Emily/Anyone with boobs who also isn't Paige, pretty much I just want Emily having (possibly drunk) summer makeouts.

  • SWATH RPF: Charlize/Kristen, I spent almost all of SWATH waiting for makeouts that never happened. 3 minute clips from the press tour were more interesting than this entire movie.

Um... I was sure I had other things to say, but I guess not! I'm so boring. I spent all of my downtime today listening to NPR alone in my car or watching Bravo reruns on my phone. What is my life.

EDIT: Just kidding, Tumblr has reminded me that I want to talk about GoT with anyone who wants to talk about GoT, because fuck that fucking show, it needs to quit playing games with my heart.
feeling: draineddrained
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack

...that is all.

feeling: ecstaticecstatic
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
Have you ever gone to a party and it turns out there are a bunch of people there that you know, but haven't talked to in a long time, so you kind of hang back by the drink table and try and think of reasons why you haven't talked to them, but can't so you just stay by the Doritos and sip your poorly-mixed drinks and awkwardly bop your head to the music? I AM THAT GIRL AND LIVEJOURNAL IS THAT PARTY EXCEPT THERE IS NO ALCOHOL WHICH IS SADDER, SOMEHOW.

+ It took me most of Glee and the first hour of [adult swim] reruns to start this post. It would be great if I could say the reason I'm never online anymore is because I'm busy having a life, but ALAS, NO. I spend half my time working and the other half driving to work. That is my life.

My doctor has two main offices and two satellite offices and I commute to all of them because I am insane. Today I assisted on a chalazion excision - which, granted, is kind of gross - as I've done a couple times already and then sudden felt faint towards the end of the procedure. I don't consider myself to be particularly squeamish (re: medical things) and the worst of it was over, but I've passed out exactly once in my life and that was what it was feeling like. All of a sudden my legs were like fuck this noise and I had to unlock my knees and try and breathe deeply through my mask before my eyes rolled back and I blacked out on my patient. This maybe reads a lot more dramatic than it was, in retrospect, because I was fine and laughing about it afterwards. I was more embarrassed than anything else.

But more importantly, the greatest thing I learned this week was that my doctor has an engraving on the back of his iPad that reads "Brothers in da House."

+ I was out with a couple friends the other night and now we're talking about going to Warped Tour this summer which I haven't been to since 2008, I think it was? And then I was talking about the kind of music I like right now and have been listening to lately and realized that I was talking about songs/remixes/albums from last year and have literally not updated my iTunes since last November. I feel this is in large part because most of the music I downloaded was from links and .zips from tumblr which I now browse almost exclusively from my phone. As much as I love Taylor Swift and Chillstep remixes, my commutes need a new soundtrack. Suggestions?

+ I've been updating my FAFSA fastidiously since high school on the off-chance that I'll actually go back to college that semester and I think this fall may actually be that semester. I think about the fact that I'm turning twenty-three this year and still have not finished my BA because I changed my major four times and have been collecting non-transferable credits since. Then I get all quarter-life-crisis-y and panicky, so I try not to think about it to hard.

I also have obviously not written fic since that Caroline Forbes gen a year ago that no one read, but have been reading a lot of AUs and future-fic (because I'm twelve) on AO3 and am dying to write something again, BUT HAVE NO IDEA WHAT.

feeling: curiouscurious
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
I was posting and then I deleted and rewrote what I was saying about five times because I have forgotten how to LiveJournal. It's been forever, I need to update/comment more etc. etc., but lethargy is where I live now. I am vaguely reminded of a Mumford & Sons line about enemies bigger than apathy and how that leads to winning, but I am losing track of where I was going with that even as I type, SO. THINGS. LIFE. Let me bullet-point it for you (if I can even remember how to code that):

  • My real, grown-up job (except for the part where I don't get health benefits) continues to be pretty effing sweet because it means I can do things like commute with appropriate playlists and afford plane tickets for the holidays.

  • I got an iPhone 4S last month and it is my baby and her name is The Duchess.

  • Turns out bar-hopping doesn't suck even when they stop letting you into places around 11 because your ID is expired; you care a lot less if you're already drunk.


  • Almost done with ASOIAF. It has never taken me so long to read a good book, what is this.

Remember when I watched TV? My life was made up of my investment in fictional characters, and I miss that so much. There are only a few shows I make an effort for any more and half of those are piling up in a To Be Watched stack in my DVR while the other half is viewed with one eye open and a hand clutching my chest.

BrieflyCollapse )

I don't know, are there other shows I should be watching because my plate is already full and I'm still waiting for Game of Thrones and Shameless to come back, but I'd be willing to make time if something was really worth it.

I had been waiting for Cracks to come up on Instant Netflix and it did not, so I recorded it on Showtime and I am still fucking reeling.

Girls, we are angels, eagles! To dive is to fly. Set yourself free of the shackles of conformity. Let nothing hold you back except the air itself. You are between heaven and earth. The rules no longer apply.

"i love you" never felt like any blessing by chairs; di/poppy, pg-13/r.
don't make me beg by chairs; di/fiamma, pg-13.
i walked in a desert by diana_hawthorne; di, pg-13.
when we were orphans by diana_hawthorne; ensemble, pg-13.
our remains by julietofspades; fiamma (fiamma/di, fiamma/miss g), r.

Meanwhile; your music recs, give me them.
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
06 August 2011 @ 11:08 pm
LiveJournal has been, for me lately, like trips to the gym. Posting is something I want to do, something I never regret doing, and something I think about a lot. Sometimes I think about cancelling my gym membership and sometimes I think about deleting my journal. I do neither. I like having the option available to me, should I choose to exercise it (wow, a weak pun is not what I meant to do with that sentence, I apologize). But about the posting. It is not something I do often, but once I'm doing it, and once I'm done, I feel a generous sense of accomplishment.

...what to take away from this, I guess, is that I should update more. And also go to the gym.

1) Two weeks ago I started interning at an opthamologist's office where they specialize in laser vision-correction. It is actually more awesome than I thought it would be. Yes, it sucks that I have to work there 35 hours a week for absolutely no pay then slave away on the weekends for another 15 hours just to pay off my goddamn Verizon bill, BUT IT IS STILL AWESOME: I get to wear scrubs and sneakers to work, that is practically pajamas.

2) I have been thinking a lot about my fandoms lately. Like, a lot. I have mostly been thinking about characters (read: characterization) and what they mean to me, why, and what that says about me. I think this is because it's the off-season and I watch a lot of reruns and I've been Instant-Netflixing every awful show I've ever loved and can get my cursor on. This is the part where I tell you that I want to write out all my character feelings in thoughtful, cohesive, analytic prose for the few people on my flist who still read my sporadic posts, BUT WHO ARE WE KIDDING? NOT YOU, BECAUSE YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT.

3) I am turning 22 next week and if I think about it too hard I get this horrible panicky feeling like the beginnings of an anxiety attack because HOLY SHIT THAT IS OLD, I AM OLD, and then I have to literally say to myself: Tamara, calm your ass down; you are 21, not 81, jesus. I am not old. I am a baby. I know that. But I still get all panicky and irrational in this way where I feel like I'm wasting precious time and that I should've accomplished more by now and the years are just slipping away without my having done enough. It is not a feeling I enjoy having. I feel stupid for feeling that way, and yet.

I thought there was going to be a four, there was supposed to be a four. Apparently I don't have more than three things going on in my life because I am boring. I am very boring. If I stop and think about it I just work all day and come home and lay in bed with my laptop until it's time for sleep. Once in a while I will go to a friend's house and lay on the couch/in bed and watch TV. Less often than that I clean the apartment. THAT IS ALL VERY BORING. BUT I AM JUST LIKE "MEH" BECAUSE EVEN MY REACTIONS ARE BORING AND VAGUELY APATHETIC.


The greatest tragedy of my life continues to be the fact that the first time I watched this, I was horrendously sleep-deprived and hopped up on Vicodin for the toothache from hell and thought that this was actually a trailer for the world's greatest hipster movie feat. hot young Hollywood aka everything I love in life. I AM STILL DEVASTATED THAT THIS IS NOT THE CASE BECAUSE I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW HARD I WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THAT.

Can we just talk about this masterpiece for a minute. I am sorry if I'm late to this party and you have moved on, but I have not, will not. POSSIBLY, I HAVE MENTIONED MY THING FOR CINEMATIC AESTHETICS. The visuals in this music video are stunning. Stunning, I say. I am seriously digging the gritty, edgy, street vibe that is dominating here. I am wanting to use "graffiti" like an adjective to describe the motif because all of it is raw and illicit and spontaneous and beautiful. It is biting and soft at the same time. It's late and I'm tired and I am a loss for real words and stuck on "I want to live inside this video." Those are my feelings.

LOL, maybe you thought I'd get through this post without talking about Demi Lovato, but I have news for you: NO. Look, it is either Demi Lovato or Elle Fanning and Chloe Moretz and Jennifer Lawrence, who I am also-and increasingly-obsessed with. I am opting for the former because my feelings for the others are complex and consist largely and alternatingly of "oh god, you are too adorable" and "jesus christ, stop that, you are only thirteen." Oh, but, Jennifer excepted, because she's 20 so I guess I can feel whatever I want where she's concerned.


Demi interviewed with Elle.com earlier this week and there was a photoshootCollapse )and it was amazing. Seriously. I have not been this in love with a photoshoot of hers since the TeenVogue shoot she did that I still pretend Joe wasn't a part of. She is so grown up now, I can't even deal with it. Elle closes the interview with a quote from Rich Ross about how Demi's always possessed this markedly adult quality; "When you meet her, you know this isn’t a girl in stiletto heels—this is a woman." ACCURATE.

There is a large part of me that wants to apologize for the entirety of this post, but I refuse. I love everything that is happening here even as I resist the urge to tag this entry: tales of a twenty-something nothing.
feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
11 July 2011 @ 09:04 pm

Skyscraper - Demi Lovato

Okay, holy shit. I am pre-menstrual and hopped up on caffeine and painkillers, I cannot handle this. I could go into unnecessary and embarrassing detail about what this single means to me and how many times I've already listened to it, but no1curr. JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT AND LISTEN.

I really don't know what else to say other than I'm back online. It's not that I forget about LiveJournal, just that it seems like too much effort when my internet's out at home. Facebook and Tumblr are simple enough to browse on my phone or iPod where there's wifi, but LJ takes a lot of energy? And it's not like I have much to say. But I passed my exams from May which means I'm officially dual-certified in spectacle opticianry and contact-lens dispensing so maybe I'll be able to find a real job next month when I finish my last class and not have to peddle smoothies for $8.60 a fucking hour.

Most interestingly: MY SISTER HAD HER BABY AND SHE IS LOVELY AND PERFECT. ...my niece, not my sister. My sister thinks it's okay to put a three-month-old in tutus and headbands with bows bigger than her daughter's face. I second-mom this little girl so hard, it ain't even funny. MAYBE I'M BIASED, BUT THIS KID SHOULD BE A MODEL.Collapse )
feeling: ecstaticecstatic
hearing: Demi Lovato - Skyscraper | Powered by Last.fm
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
Two things: 1) TOO. MUCH. COFFEE. b) I just showered and I can't go to bed with wet hair.

glee 2.20Collapse )

Please ignore my crazy because I have something important to say; I like Ariana Grande. You're all going who? Well, I will tell you who. It's no secret that I harbor inappropriate love for Disney kids, but there are kids I've been ignoring over there on Nickelodeon.

Honestly, I don't really watch Victorious because I feel like it's a poor man's High School Musical (only, not really, because High School Musical is a poor man's High School Musical). Sometimes I leave it on in the background because it can be good for a laugh, but, let's be real, it's no iCarly. Then Tumblr was like hey. heyyyy, check her out. imma fill yo' dash with this bitch. Let me just tell you that in high school I was really, really attracted to girls with dyed hair and Ariana reminds me why. On the rare occasion I watched Victorious, though, I didn't pay Ariana a whole lot of attention because her character is painfully stupid and I was constantly being distracted by Victoria Justice's impossible cheekbones and bird limbs. However. A video came up on my feed and then forcedmovement kept posting pictures, and then rest is history or something.

I know, I know. The Little Mermaid and Britney Spears? Yeah, that happened. Why, yes, Ariana is hilarious and adorable and her voice is gorgeous. If you need further convincing of that fact, do yourself a favor and download her cover of Love the Way You Lie. You'll thank me.
feeling: excitedexcited
insecure, neurotic control-freak on crack
Honestly, it's not even that I forget that I have a LiveJournal, which is what I was prepared to type. It's just combination of equal parts I-have-nothing-really-interesting-to-say and I'm-too-lazy-to-actually-type-it-up-anyway, and three parts Tumblr-is-just-so-much-easier. On the rare occasion I do check my flist, there are endless posts from comms I don't really care too much about anymore, but am too nostalgic to leave, and I get fed up before I find personal updates I might actually comment on. So I give up, navigate away, and don't come back for another week. VICIOUS CYCLE, THY NAME IS LJ.

I am just an old lady, okay. I really don't do anything worth noting. When I am not at school or work I nap, then I DVR episodes of Cooking For Real and Dinners, Drive-Ins and Dives to watch at 1am. The most exciting things that happened to me today were a) I finished my homework for the next three weeks in class today and b) the bags of flavor-blasted Goldfish crackers were on sale for a dollar at Ralphs. That is a pretty accurate summation of my priorities and life events.

I haven't had the energy lately to commit to my TV shows, so all the ones that require serious attention are collecting on my DVR (TVD, FNL, The Borgias, Game of Thrones, etc. etc.) which means I only have time for America's Next Top Model, Modern Family and Happy Endings (which is surprisingly awesome?), and Glee.

I have also taken to reading on the bus and Femme Fatale has been on repeat for god knows how long SPOILER ALERT: IT IS GLORIOUS.

Now, if you want to follow my Tumblr since that is where I live, it's here. I had to change my url because too many people I know IRL are now on Tumblr thanks, facebook and it turns out I do actually have some shame left, but fair warning: what isn't Harry Potter, Santana Lopez, or random GPOYs is Demi Lovato.

Boomerang OnDemand has four episodes of Cow and Chicken I haven't watched yet, excuse me.
feeling: blahblah